Thursday, February 9, 2012


This funny little list is from this  It is two years old but  really funny.  Some of the quotes you might have heard or read in forwards to your emails or on other social networking sites.  If you are looking for a speck of entertainment during your work day, evening home, or in the midst of being board.  Below should bring a few chuckles your way. I also took the liberty to make my own personal comments to the quotes i agreed with or disagreed with. ENJOY!!!

·         I wish Google Maps had an “Avoid Ghetto” routing option.(personal thought of mines as well)
·         More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.(This happens in class alot)
·         Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong. ( this is the moment you try to act like why are we even discussing this )
·         I don’t understand the purpose of the line, “I don’t need to drink to have fun.” Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they’ve invented the lighter? (lol)
·         Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you’re crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk. ( lol.. that's a "WTF" moment for sure)
·         That’s enough, Nickelback.
·         I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger. (This is Gospel)
·         Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the “people you may know” feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with? (haaaa....)
·         Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn’t work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ’s. We just figured it out. Today’s kids are soft. ( seriously...perhaps being raised in the "crack /cocaine error actually had some advantages O,O )
·         There is a great need for sarcasm font. ( More Gospel )
·         Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it. (lol)
·         I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I’ll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone’s laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I’m still the only one who really, really gets it. ( Random face)
·         How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? ( this is truly like a science. Ive watched pple at laundry matt do in in awe- and still cant :/)
·         I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in. ( the lazy and we know it OATH, we all take)
·         I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. ( this is probably what i'd say with my last breath )
·         The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
 ( This is starting to feel like church...preach)
·         A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it. (idk bout this..but i did chuckle)

·         Was learning cursive really necessary? ( lol )
·         Lol has gone from meaning, “laugh out loud” to “I have nothing else to say”.
( or the new way to insult people and then they cant get mad, i.e) your such a jerk lol)
·         I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.(this could be the cause for obesity in America)
·         Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. (lol)
·         My brother’s Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, “Cuz we beat you, and you hate us.” Classy, bro. ( haaaaaaa..........)
·         Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”. (lol)
·         How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear what they said? ( I personally feel after 3 times you just loose interest)
·         I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers! (Boo, since im usually "the dick" left lane is for passing cars not time- HATERS!)
·         Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using ‘as in’ examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss’s last name to an attorney and said “Yes that’s G as in…(10 second lapse)..ummm…Goonies” ( that's hilarious )
·         What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other? ( even more hilarious)
·         While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart. 
·         MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. ( Or take off the waking route that takes 3 days to arrive at a destination that the drive is 20min )
·         Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. ( maybe even a you-tube clip O_O )
·         I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water. ( #1 way to avoid a slip and fall )
·         Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. (lol)
·         I would like to officially coin the phrase ‘catching the swine flu’ to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: “Dave caught the swine flu last night.” ( that's mean )
·         I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired. ( that's sad)
·         Bad decisions make good stories ( that's damn true when its not you )
·         Whenever I’m Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don’t mind if I do! ( Real SAD )
·         Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year? (Especially in the winter..what up with the youth today and anti coats)
·         If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible. 
·         Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I’m from, this shouldn’t be a problem….( lol )
·         You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day. ( This is the result of this BLOG )
·         Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection. 
·         There’s no worse feeling than that millisecond you’re sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far. ( lol..then there's the moment everyone else feels because they want to laugh but not sure if u did )
·         I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. ( Student Anxiety )
·         “Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this ever. (lol, or one time wear )
·         I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There’s so much pressure. ‘I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It’s only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?’ ( O_O )
·         I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away? 
( haaaaaaaaaaa...everytime)
·         I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. ( lol...funny )
·         When I meet a new girl, I’m terrified of mentioning something she hasn’t already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking. (weird)
·         I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it’s on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
·         Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles… ( this is probably the funniest, altho it shouldn't be )
·         As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists. ( The universal bond )
·         Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. ( LOL )
·         It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood. (LOL- that's so wrong, but more true than not )
·         I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. ( More church Gospel..let the congregation say AMEN )
·         Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn’t know what to do with it.
·         Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time… ( classic..haha moment)
·         My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that? (lol)
·         It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on and the link takes me to a video instead of text. 
·         I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit. ( nope, this is how they pass time on a boring day)
·         I think the freezer deserves a light as well. ( haa... )
·         I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.

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